I’m sitting at my desk waiting for USPS to pick up some packages I’ve sold, so I figured I’d update. Life is still hard. I still have no interest or motivation to do anything. I will say that I think the antidepressants help level me a little, but I still feel exactly the same. It’s disappointing. Not the pills. I didn’t expect anything there. It’s disappointing to feel like I won’t ever be happy again. Time doesn’t heal everything. Time just changes the way things feel. Anywayyyyy. I’ve all but abandoned my BuJo. October wasn’t productive at all, and I think it’s because I didn’t have the bullet journal to keep me accountable. Hopefully I can get back on it for November. I was hoping to have some enthusiasm about creating art by now, but it hasn’t happened. In fact, I’ve started selling a lot of my new art supplies on Mercari because I don’t think I’ll ever feel motivated again. I’ve literally sold 4 of my art journals & I have 6 others listed. I feel guilty having so much & doing nothing with it. I don’t think more than 5 people even visit this site anymore, but maybe I’ll have a giveaway on here. Well, I’m gonna go. I’ve been trying to go through my house & get rid of 80% of my things. I’ve sold about 50 new hair & beauty products lately (mostly Shea Moisture), and I still have a box left. Let’s not even talk about how many art & crafts supplies, journals & monkeys I need to get rid of. It’s ridiculous!!
I wanted to share my September BuJo pages before I added everything to them since I forgot to share the rest of my August pages. I wanted to show some of the differences between last month & this month, but I didn’t really want to cover up a bunch of personal stuff. I also wanted to be more creative this month, but I’m in still in the “middle” of “Spring cleaning” so my art room is still in shambles. Plus I’m just not inspired. At any rate, here are the pics with some explanations above. Artsy stuff soon come… ;)
Cover/Calendar page & Important monthly things. This month I got rid of the Expenses box & labeled it Purchases because I track what goes on with my credit cards & bank accounts on my computer so trying to put it there too was just stressful. I’d rather just see what I’m buying.
My Habit Tracker & Bible Study Tracker are the same. I found them extremely helpful last month. BTW, the third box is supposed to be “Less than 1400 Calories.” I don’t know why I did the sign backwards LOL
I’m one of those people who has a hard time starting new journals out of fear of screwing it up, but I decided to just go for it. I honestly envisioned that my BuJo would be super artsy & creative, but I just haven’t been inspired to do that thus far. Hopefully the inspiration will meet motivation soon & I’ll have something worthy of posting. With that said, this is the first page I’ve created in my BuJo ; My 2017 Future Log. I decided to skip the typical Year at a Glance Page until next year since this year is almost over.
If you saw my last post, you probably saw that I was going to use a big black sketch book as my new bullet journal. Boy was that a mistake! After about 10 failed attempts at drawing lines and creating boxes (with a ruler), I realized why everyone chooses to use a dotted or grid journal. Lol. With that said, I hit Amazon and decided to purchase a dotted journal. I considered buying a Leuchtturm1917 Hardcover Journal, which nearly everyone uses, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pay $20 for a book I would probably abandon in a few days. I added about 5 different journals to my cart, but in the end I decided to purchase the “UNNI Classic Dotted Notebook.” I chose this journal because it had almost everything in common with the Leuchtturm1917, at nearly half the price ($10.95). From what I can tell, the only thing the Leuchtturm1917 has that this journal doesn’t, is a dedicated Index section and numbered pages. There is also only 1 bookmark ribbon instead of 2. Those things weren’t a deal breaker for me because I actually like being able to determine how many pages I dedicate to my Index section, and I can just number the pages as I work on them, so that’s no big deal.
I’ve decided to drink the water…. This weekend I bought a bunch of stuff to start on my bullet journal for August, etc. If IOP taught me one thing, it’s the importance of not only setting & keeping (obtainable) goals, but also tracking them. When I was in IOP I had to keep a goal sheet as well as daily functioning logs to show them & myself the progress I was making. Tracking those things daily really motivated me to keep on track, plus it showed me in black & white what I needed to work on. I’m terrible at keeping regular journals & art journals, but I’m hoping I can stick with this. Below are *some* of the supplies I plan to use. More details later…. possibly.
For a while I was feeling so inspired to make things, but lately I’ve just been… I don’t even know how to explain it. There has been a lot going on in my life, and if you know anything about me, I stop caring about everything when life gets too hectic. Obviously, I still haven’t been able to move on from my mom’s death. That’s the biggest hurdle right now. In addition to that I’m trying to recover financially after my ex/best friend stole a large sum of money from me, which I’m still paying for. I’ve also been struggling a lot with depression and anxiety. I wasn’t really ready to confront those issues because I didn’t want to talk to a therapist. As my luck would have it, I went through a situation which forced me to go to the hospital, and during that time I had to speak to two women in the psychology department who reported me for being suicidal and unable to cope with life. According to them they feared for my safety. At any rate, I was persuaded to seek help. This month I started attending an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) and was put on antidepressants. The program is three times a week for about three hours, and during that time you speak to therapists, doctors, etc. You’re also taught different lessons to help you cope with most things you go through in life. I think the program has been great for me and I’ve honestly learned a lot, but the hardest part has been group therapy. As someone who’s an introvert, extremely shy, and has social anxiety, it’s been very difficult being forced to speak and interact with different strangers. I’m not gonna lie, as beneficial as the program has been, I’m looking forward to the day they say I can be discharged. Well, that’s an update on my life. Hopefully the next time I post it will be something art related. And hopefully it won’t be 9 months from now. :)
4 A.M. flexing….
Waiting impatiently for that new Budden album ;)
Uh Oh! Looks like I’m actually going to finish this! LOL. Just have the dress left to do. :D
Been starting & stopping a lot of things. I intend to complete this. ;)